Onion News Network: Election 08

Videos in this Playlist

1. 1

   

   'No Values Voters' Looking For Candidate

   from The Onion

   1:58 | 29 views

   Both candidates are stepping up their efforts to attract crucial 'no values voters' by abusing animals and murdering the elderly.

2. 2

   

   McCain Declines Secret Service

   from The Onion

   1:39 | 139 views

   John McCain claims that if elected he would save taxpayers millions by eliminating the Secret Service and defending himself instead.

3. 3

   

   In The Know Candidates Compete For Vital Idgit Vote

   from The Onion

   2:25 | 102 views

   Panelists discuss the idgit, or idiot, voter -- the unpredictable, uninformed demographic that invariably decides elections.

4. 4

   

   Mitt Romney Is Candidate Most Voters Want To Get Into Bar Fight With

   from The Onion

   3:10 | 111 views

   According to a new survey, whether a candidate seems like they could take a sucker punch in a drunken brawl is extremely important to voters.

5. 5

   

   Poll Bullshit Is Most Important Issue For 2008 Voters

   from The Onion

   2:24 | 118 views

   For a majority of likely voters, meaningless bullshit will be the most important factor in deciding who they will vote for in 2008.

6. 6

   

   Mitt Romney Defends Himself Against Allegations Of Tolerance

   from The Onion

   2:17 | 88 views

   Mitt Romney's candidacy took a major hit following the discovery of statements he made a decade ago that imply he isn't sickened by gays.

7. 7

   

   As Obese Population Rises, More Candidates Courting The Fat Vote

   from The Onion

   1:27 | 144 views

   Presidential candidates are reaching out to fat voters on the campaign trail by eating large amounts of food.

8. 8

   

   Mysterious Traveler Entrances Town With Utopian Vision Of The Future

   from The Onion

   1:50 | 104 views

   An enigmatic man appeared in Hastings, NY, beckoning people to join his quest for a world free of despair as he shook hands and kissed newborns.

9. 9

   

   Diebold Accidentally Leaks Results Of 2008 Election Early

   from The Onion

   2:51 | 191 views

   Embarrassed Diebold officials apologized after one of their electronic voting machines prematurely revealed the winner of our upcoming sham election.