Onion News Network: Today Now

Videos in this Playlist

1. 11

   

   Pentagon Reports Army Mascot 'Liberty' Killed in Iraq

   from The Onion

   2:17 | 111 views

   Appointed by Bush in 2003 to distract from the horrors of war, Liberty's antics turned fatal yesterday when he cart-wheeled into a roadside bomb.

2. 12

   

   Special Boy With Freakishly Large Brain Wins Spelling Bee

   from The Onion

   2:38 | 82 views

   On Today Now!, Jim and Tracy meet James Kimura, a 12-year-old afflicted with the ability to spell long words normal kids don't even care about.

3. 13

   

   Autoworkers Compete to Keep Jobs, Livelihoods on New Reality Show

   from The Onion

   0:00 | 33 views

   On Auto Warriors two Ford plants will battle it out, building to the LIVE season finale event: one plant will close, 3,000 will get the axe!

4. 14

   

   [video] Morning Show Host Starts Charity To Rid World Of Flying Debris

   from The Onion

   3:09 | 86 views

   After her best friend was killed by flying debris, Today Now host Tracy Gill dedicated her life to protecting other people from wind-borne rubble.

5. 15

   

   Courageous Man Refuses To Believe He Has Cancer

   from The Onion

   2:49 | 149 views

   On Today Now, Peter Hedgemont shares the inspirational tale of how he has refused to let a cancer diagnosis convince him he has cancer.

6. 16

   

   'Cosmopolitan' Institute Completes Decades-Long Study On How To Please

   from The Onion

   1:59 | 157 views

   Cosmo scientists have finally cataloged every single way to satisfy your man's carnal cravings by stimulating his secret sex zones.

7. 17

   

   Real-Life Medium Not As Exciting As TV

   from The Onion

   2:46 | 134 views

   On Today Now! paranormal detective Leonard Higgs explains that using ghosts to solve crimes actually involves a lot of paperwork.

8. 18

   

   How To Wax Your Floors Without Slipping And Severing Your Spine

   from The Onion

   3:06 | 96 views

   Author Jerry Bloom visits Today Now to explain how you can make your kitchen floor shine without falling and paralyzing yourself for life.

9. 19

   

   Police Say School Shooter Had Troubled Past, History Of School Shootings

   from The Onion

   2:41 | 99 views

   Teachers may have overlooked a number of red flags, including Bobby Knowles' turbulent home life, violent writing, and previous school shootings.

10. 20

    

    Man Who Crossed Nation In Balloon Only Wants To Talk About Horse Abuse

    from The Onion

    2:47 | 64 views

    Today Now! welcomes adventurer and balloonist Trent Montaug, who is determined to steer the conversation to the horrors of horse abuse.